considering cloth.

I've jumped over the fence and back and landed in the middle. I'm seriously considering cloth diapering now.

why the change of heart? disposable diapers have at long last joined the monthly budget category (we were very blessed by an overwhelming amount of diapers when A was born) and it's really not my favorite, the cheapskate side of me just can't imagine maintaining that for the long haul especially as we entertain ideas of adding more kiddos to the brood. after talking to some Momma's who do cloth and hearing how easy it is I've begun to give it another chance in my mind, and with offers like this and this, how could you not?

so my question to fellow cloth diapering mommies is this, what brand do you use and why? and how did you decide to make the switch or start off with cloth? feedback is helpful at this point so bring it.

18 months of motherhood.

today marks the day I held my girl for the first time.
saw her face.
kissed her cheeks.
fed her.
counted her ten fingers. and ten toes.
named her the name we talked about just three weeks before she was born. audrey. it suited her so perfectly. and it just fit.

in the 18 months since that day, motherhood has and continues to be one of the most fulfilling and joyful callings.

I have heard her first words.
I have watched her take her first steps.
I have rejoiced at the miracle of a 8 hours of sleep and then 12.
I have kissed boo boos.
I have given hundreds of hugs and snuggles.
I have cleaned up even more messes.
& with each of these things. there has been joy.

joy that cant be explained, only experienced.

(photo credits: miss kristen)

my girl, your daddy and I adore and love you.
there isnt a day that goes by that we dont thank God for you.
every day we have with you is a gift.
& that is whats real.

thoughts on being a mom.

Rewind 5 years ago, ambitious, bright eyed college junior, sitting a women's studies class at GW and the professor polls the class of 60 (mostly girls) and asks "who wants to go back to work after they have children and continue a career?" 55 girls raise their hands. "Who wants to stay home and raise a family?" my lone hand goes up and people in the front row turn around to stare. It was one of my most awkwardly proud moments of naivete. I always knew I wanted to be a Mom, I just never knew all it would take to be one. And especially to be one who stays home.

This past week little A has been sick all week and I have been keenly aware of many "have nots" in my day and my life, but also how much joy there has been in the "have nots." Of the many things I have traded for a life less glamourous, less congratulating, but oh so fulfilling and blessed in being a Mom to my girl.

I went a whole day without showering. Holding a sick baby seemed sweeter.
I've traded designer jeans for yoga pants. And thats a good day, because yoga pants are def a step up from pajamas.
My purse is my diaper bag now. Keeping it clean really doesnt matter, because when you are in a pinch having that extra diaper is way more important then less stuff.
I've traded sleep for 3am feedings and rocking. Because really, as much as I love sleep, holding a sleeping baby girl in your arms is so much better.
The one day I did actually get dressed, A puked all over the place and I learned who cares, clothes are just clothes anyways. And really how can you say no to the baby who reaches her arms out for you even if she is covered in puke?

I don't claim to know much, I realize I am just at the beginning of this adventure, that my experiences so far dont speak that loud and I know there is so much more that lies ahead. But these are moments and things I dont want to forget, I want to remember them always because times like these are so fleeting.

And at the end of the day, tiredness and all, there is so much joy in the little moments like these when your baby girl finally wants to play again and you cant help but get down on the floor to play with her.