thoughts on being a mom.

Rewind 5 years ago, ambitious, bright eyed college junior, sitting a women's studies class at GW and the professor polls the class of 60 (mostly girls) and asks "who wants to go back to work after they have children and continue a career?" 55 girls raise their hands. "Who wants to stay home and raise a family?" my lone hand goes up and people in the front row turn around to stare. It was one of my most awkwardly proud moments of naivete. I always knew I wanted to be a Mom, I just never knew all it would take to be one. And especially to be one who stays home.

This past week little A has been sick all week and I have been keenly aware of many "have nots" in my day and my life, but also how much joy there has been in the "have nots." Of the many things I have traded for a life less glamourous, less congratulating, but oh so fulfilling and blessed in being a Mom to my girl.

I went a whole day without showering. Holding a sick baby seemed sweeter.
I've traded designer jeans for yoga pants. And thats a good day, because yoga pants are def a step up from pajamas.
My purse is my diaper bag now. Keeping it clean really doesnt matter, because when you are in a pinch having that extra diaper is way more important then less stuff.
I've traded sleep for 3am feedings and rocking. Because really, as much as I love sleep, holding a sleeping baby girl in your arms is so much better.
The one day I did actually get dressed, A puked all over the place and I learned who cares, clothes are just clothes anyways. And really how can you say no to the baby who reaches her arms out for you even if she is covered in puke?

I don't claim to know much, I realize I am just at the beginning of this adventure, that my experiences so far dont speak that loud and I know there is so much more that lies ahead. But these are moments and things I dont want to forget, I want to remember them always because times like these are so fleeting.

And at the end of the day, tiredness and all, there is so much joy in the little moments like these when your baby girl finally wants to play again and you cant help but get down on the floor to play with her.


Bethany said...

Your comments on motherhood resonate so much with me. I joke with Keith that if I knew what motherhood required beforehand, I would have never done it. But, I'm glad for what I didn't know, because being a mother to K2 and Evangeline has been the most incredible, profound, difficult, wonderful experience of my entire life. And it's given me the chance to truly "lay down my life" for others.

helen said...

this is so beautiful. yes, you are just starting on this adventure, but what you shared here takes a lifetime for many to learn (including me in many ways!) so this is good stuff! little A is so blessed to have you for her mommy. you will never, ever regret time holding your little one. grace grace grace to you as you mother your little one.

The Nutters! said...

Very sweet Jan! :)

sarah said...

amen. :)

I'm Kristen said...

SO sweet.

you're a great mom :D

Becca said...

beautiful Janks. you made me tear up. you're an amazing mom!

Heather and Mike said...

Reading your post makes me want to become a mom more and more. I also want to be a stay at home mom, but I'm worried about the financial stress. Any advice?

Anonymous said...

Your children won't remember that they didn't have all the "things" that they or society thinks they need. (Though they may squawk about it at the time!) What they will remember is that their Mom (and Dad) was there for them, spent time with them and loved them enough to sacrifice designer clothes, larger homes and more "stuff" You are doing a wonderful job with sweet Audrey and I am so blessed to have you as my dear granddaughters mother. Love, Lori aka Grammy

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