After my last post about real life last week I got so many sweet encouraging comments and feedback from other Mommy's, if you did, thank you. It's always so nice knowing we're never in this alone and chances are we all think the day's a success if everyone in the house was fed.
I'm learning, ever so slowly, that this whole Mommy thing isn't about me and my life being easy, looking "cool", or going my way. I wish I could say I always embraced this season with joy, contentment, and gratefulness. Some day its mixed and other days I feel like I'm losing the fight. Today was the prime example of that.
The day started off promising. Edy slept well (which she hasn't for several nights because she's on cold number "I've lost track this winter I'm ready for spring to be here"), Audrey woke up with soaked sheets but Seth took care of it and breakfast time passed without a meltdown. I knew I had to make a call to reserve our house for our OBX vacation so an episode of Yo Gabba Gabba to keep the kids occupied seemed like a good solution. Minutes later I don't hear Edy and I turn the corner to see her at the top of the stairs just in time to catch her as she falls. Bruised forehead later and snot pouring out like water out of a faucet damage control seems to be working, I make the reservation, send out a few emails and its on to wash the soaked sheet and blankets. Edy's morning nap is over shortly after it began with a coughing fit. And somewhere in the midst of all this craziness some part of me thinks we should craft. Of course why not drag out every craft supply in our house, Valentines Day is tomorrow after all. Audrey makes some cards and I decide now's a great time to make the effort to love my husband. I find a heart cookie cutter start tracing, stamping, and then taping the hearts to twine. It's all going perfectly. Until I turn it over. It's all backwards. Meanwhile every toy bin in our house is being spilled out in the living room and then Audrey decides to have a tantrum and pulls out all the stops with, "you're not my friend anymore" and "you dont love me." Awesome. And it's only 1:00pm.
In these moments I want to throw in the towel. Flat out quit. The "I can't even imagine the thought of getting dinner on the table" because my day is clearly so far gone. But then I stop. I look at the picture of the backwards banner and realize, its not about perfect, clean, tidy, my children love me every moment, everything is right with my world life. This is my life. I can't change it and I wouldn't want to. It's about the effort, the heart behind it, not the outcome or what it looks like. Right in that moment, I got this text:
So to embrace all I'm learning and for the sake of remembering, I'm leaving the banner as is because really it is just perfect because its where I am right now and I'm ok with that.
Psalm 16:6 "The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a beautiful inheritance."
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5 comments:
Keep that banner forever. These are the days that make great mothers and you are one of them! Love from Michigan.
you aren't her friend, and I'm a bad friend.
I like you. No matter what.
Jan,
I've been enjoying your "real life" posts and pictures. Life is hard here with 4 kids then add in my own sin and some days I want to give up. Thanks for your reminders to embrace the season I am in and to "not grow weary in doing good". It is nice to see that I'm not alone. I love how you love your girlies. Love you!
To both my girls, Janet and Caitlin A. - I'm so glad you are seeing how important this season of your life is. Take it from an empty nest mom, it will go by in the blink of an eye and you may find yourself, like I did, crying your eyes out in the card store as you pick out a graduation card for your first born! Treasure and cherish all these moments, even the "not so nice" ones. Believe me, some day you will look back and laugh at these days...and wonder how you made it through! God is Good! Love to you... Mom Remsnyder
your girls are so, so lucky to have you, jan. xoxo
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